Time flies 

If you were to ask me I’m middle school what I thought life would be like, I wouldn’t have told you “in New York” that’s for sure. 

I moved here angry and upset; I was leaving my bestfriends, my sports teams, my first real boyfriend and my church. But now I am oddly happy. Yes, I have my moments but over all life has treated me well. 

What you never expect is what usually happens (at least in my life). 

It’s been about 2 years since I lived in Texas and I’m no longer begging to leave NY to go and live in TX. 

You see, I met the best people here and it’s honestly so strange to think I’ve only known them a year or two. I feel like I’ve known them my entire life. 

Texas feels like another lifetime; here I have 3 people that are my absolute everything. They have changed my life. And I never expected them to be in my life AT ALL. 

And I titled this “Time Flies” because I’m just reflecting on how insane it’s all been, and who has kept their promises and never left. The people I thought would be there forever, never check up on me. But the people here i have been through hell and back and they walked with me. 

I can’t believe I’ve been living a different life than 2 years ago; it all feels like yesterday. 

The life I’m in now is by all means not perfect. But I can see myself evolving even more in the next two years. And when I graduate; highschool will have felt too quick and too long all at once. 

Home

There are so many definitions of home; if you ask an adult they may say “where ever there is dinner every night” 

If you ask a child, “where ever my toys are”. 

My favorite definition is:

“Relaxed and comfortable; in harmony with the surroundings” 

This is more of the feeling rather than the noun. But I feel like this definition captivates it all. 

A home should be the place you cannot wait to return to.

My boyfriend (as you can see, I am going to be mentioning him a lot) he recently returned home. We have this thing that we do not call our houses “home”

Not because we are ungrateful for the roof over our heads, or because we are young and make things difficult. But it’s because of the definition. 

He loves his family more than anything on this earth, however, when he moved from the Dominican Republic to the United States, he was separated. He is not in harmony with his surroundings or relaxed and comfortable here in New York (and God knows he tried). He feels as if he always has to strain a smile. 

Why do I mention all this? 

It’s because he recently returned to DR (Dominican republic) aka home. And I can easily tell you I have not seen him that happy is such a long time. He was laughing and fighting with his younger siblings, ranting in Spanish (which I didn’t understand), and didn’t stop smiling once. 

That kind of leaves me wondering… where is my home? 

I used to think that it is wherever he is- and don’t get me wrong it still is. But he has a location, I’m more of a nomad. My mother lives in Arkansas with my little sister, my dad and I live with his wife and my two step sister and half brother, school used to be my home until I moved only 20 minutes away from it and switched schools…  I find myself not “Relaxed and comfortable; in harmony with the surroundings” around me. 

I know I’m not alone in this, being in my last couple years of highschool, I feel like I’m doing more searching than I have before. I’m trying to figure out who I am. Before I was so certain I am a child of God (I still am most importantly and primarily) But I think there is more to me. 

And for some reason I feel like when I find it, I’ll finally be home. 

LET ME KNOW WHERE YOUR HOME IS IN THE COMMENTS:))

Good morning

So this morning I woke up to my boyfriend calling me. Remember how the last post was about testing anxiety (if you haven’t read it first, you should) well he had a MAJOR chemistry test today. Keep in mind Chem has been his year long enemy, now it’s over. And you know what? HE SAID THE TEST WAS EASY!!!! Most of the time we make things harder than they actually are. We like to assume the worst and create a huge monster we need to slay to survive. But in reality, it’s just 50 questions out of a BILLION you’ll be asked in your life. I’m very proud of him for fighting through the anxiety though. It’s difficult to over come the stress and preform at your peak preformance. But he did! And if you’re stressing, I promise, if he can do it. You can too:) 

testing anxiety

Being in high school I know a thing or two about testing anxiety. I have it, my boyfriend has it, my bestfriends have it and like every normal student ever has it. It is the feeling you get when you’re overwhelmed and suddenly your whole life depends on this one test. It is the stage where most people psyche themselves out. I wish I had the cure to all types of anxieties but sadly I do not. I can, however, tell you what I do.

  1. cry
  2. recongnize that I can not get work done if I can’t focus properly
  3. drink Ice cold water (to rehydrate from all of the crying)
  4. LEAVE the room I am studying in. (recommend going outside)
  5. grab brain food
  6. rant to somebody you know who will make you laugh and motivate you
  7. accept the fact that at this point you either know it or you don’t
  8. never sacrifice sleep, all nighters are an ALL around bad idea
  9. reprogram your way of thinking to “I can’t fail” to “if I fail, I will fix it and get it right next time”
  10. study in a way that works for you

All nighters are an all around bad idea.

If you cannot stay awake to take the test what is the point in staying up to study for it anyway, all nighters just weaken your mind for the test and exhausts your body. If you are a performer or an athlete, think; would you stay up all night the night before rehearsing your lines or running the drills? I hope the answer is no, because if you stay up you are more likely to forget your lines or your play.

You see, tests are not supposed to be as stressful as they are. Test are just to show off what we know (or don’t know). They are meant to be learned from, not to be destroyed by.

Testing anxiety is all about perspective, and the hardest part is getting out of your head and taking a breath to gather yourself again.

Your worth is not determined by the letter or number on top of a test!!

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